Monday, July 20, 2009

Beliefs

"You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should be malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can't generate. Life becomes stagnant." - Dogma (1999)

What are your religious beliefs? Do you believe some people are born gay? Do you believe conspiracy theories? 9/11? Did we land on the moon? When does life begin? Is there life after death? Is there a personal God who answers prayers? Does everything happen for a reason? Do you believe in childish things? Santa Clause, the easter bunny, unicorns, fairy tales?

I ask these questions not to offend you, but to get you to think about all your beliefs... now lets attack religion:
"I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious theories of heaven and hell, of future life for individuals, or of a personal God." -Thomas Edison

"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectively on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death." - Albert Einstein

"I cannot conceive otherwise than that He, the Infinite Father, expects or requires no worship or praise from us, but that He is even infinitely above it." - Benjamin Franklin

"I have recently been examining all the known superstitions of the world, and do not find in our particular superstition [Christianity] one redeeming feature. They are all alike, founded on fables and mythologies." - Thomas Jefferson

A person's belief is what's real to them. If we believe what isn't true, then we have deceived ourselves. And this deception feels real because we believe it. Its circular. This is how religion works. Why believe anything we cannot prove? Instead, have an idea. You can change an idea.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Sex, Friendship, Love, Like, and Lust Demystified

Today a friend of mine asked my views on relationships. Without thinking, I regurgitated an old response I'd been using for years, "Men and women can never be 'just friends'."  Then with a quick glance at my life we found that I currently have several female friends!  I am my own proof that men and women CAN be friends.  So it's time to reorganize my thoughts...

Side Note:
While struggling to accurately write the info below, I realized that the English language is limiting me.  Proper words just don't exist for some things.  It is also confusing.  The word "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" suggests that all other friends are not of that gender.  "This is my girlfriend," sounds like, "I have only guy friends, except for this one girl friend."  And "girlfriend" and "girl friend" mean different things.  It's too confusing.  Stupid language needs better words.

First, Lets Define Some Terms

  • Like - a feeling of enjoyment, approval, admiration, or esteem
  • Lust - a feeling of sexual attraction (ie. wanting sex)
  • Friend - a person you like, and who also likes you
  • Lustbuddy - a person you lust, and who also lusts you (ie. boyfriend/girlfriend)
  • Flirt - playful sexually suggestive dialog

Observations

  1. people like some people
  2. people lust some people
  3. like and lust are not like light switches (on/off). they are scales. like is balanced with dislike, and lust with disgust or repulsion. they each vary in intensity.
  4. people flirt with some people
  5. flirting increases lust or like
  6. touching also increases lust or like

The Like/Lust Chart

If person A and person B then
likes likes Friends
likes - -
lusts lusts Lustbuddies
lusts - -
likes lusts Much frustration?
Probably unhealthy.
likes and lusts - -
likes and lusts likes Friends (unless affected by lust).
Probably unhealthy/unstable.
likes and lusts lusts Lustbuddies (unless affected by like).
Probably unhealthy/unstable.
likes and lusts likes and lusts Friends and Lustbuddies

Love

What's love? Where does love come into all of this? I didn't define it it my list of terms because love is complicated enough to deserve its own section and again I am limited by the lack of proper English words.

  • Love - is charity. it is giving and good, selfless and unrequited.

Love can be broken down into 2 components (emotional and physical):

  • Emotional Love - a feeling of wanting to Love. (ie. "I want to feed those poor starving African children" or "She is so beautiful and amazing, I want to give her the world"). There is also a component of brain/body chemistry here that makes us feel good when we love and when we are loved. It can take our breath away, quicken our pulse, make us happy, and make us cry.  But emotions are temporary.  They always are.  They fade. 

    A 2nd definition of Emotional Love - intense like. This emotion is balanced by hate, or intense dislike. I don't like this usage of the word love because it muddies it's other definition. Basically, when you share proper giving love with someone, you are going to like them more intensely and that's why love is often used to describe intense like.

    So the phrase "I love you" can mean either "I intensely like you" or "I want to selflessly give to you". Likewise, when you are "in love" you are either "in intense like" or "in a state of selfless giving".
  • Physical Love (Love as an action) - this is how we express love, through acts of charity/giving. This is always a choice whether you feel the emotional love or not.  Expressing love to family and friends is the same. Expressing love to a lover is also the same except that it has an additional sexual component. Sexual love is the giving (and not necessarily receiving) of sexual pleasure.

Observation #7. Love exists separate from like and lust. Each has their own scale.

Conclusion

What have we learned? Men and women can be friends. More than that, any person can have any degree of love, like, and lust for another person.  Relationships are formed when we find another person who's love/like/lust for us matches or partially matches our love/like/lust for them.  We then make decisions on how we want the relationship to proceed based on logic, emotions, social norms, alcohol, etc.  Maybe it's a lust filled one night stand, or a like filled friendship.  Maybe we limit ourselves to 1 active lustbuddy at a time, and demand everyone else be 'just friends'.  Whatever our reasons for defining our relationships, we still tend to surround ourselves with people we like.

Observation #8. Love is a gift. It cannot be earned.
Observation #9. Like and lust can be earned.

Surround yourself with people you like, flirt often, and love and lust will work themselves out.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Six pack abs: Week 13, Day 1

The website:
http://www.iwantsixpackabs.com - signup to the email list or click Already a Member in the top right (even if you're not already a member)

Weekly Weigh-ins
Week 1, Day 1: 162 lbs  (starting weight)
Week 2, Day 1: 161 lbs 
Week 3, Day 1: 159.5 lbs
Week 4, Day 1: 156 lbs
Week 5, Day 1: 156 lbs
Week 6, Day 1: 155.5 lbs
Week 6 repeat: 153 lbs
-Missed 2 Weeks-
Week 7, Day 1: 155 lbs
Week 8, Day 1: 155 lbs
Week 9, Day 1: 154.5 lbs
-Missed 2 Months to recover from surgery-
Week 10, Day 1: 151 lbs
Week 11, Day 1: 151 lbs
Week 12, Day 1: 153.5 .lbs
Week 13, Day 1: 157 lbs

Yikes. Weight is up even more. Still not doing cardio. Poor eating habits. And kind of a lot of beer... and other alcohol. Clearly the workout alone is not enough. I can grab the fat covering my abs and see that it's a lot thicker than on other parts of my body. I wish I had a way of accurately measuring my body fat %.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Six pack abs: Week 12, Day 1

The website:
http://www.iwantsixpackabs.com - signup to the email list or click Already a Member in the top right (even if you're not already a member)

Weekly Weigh-ins
Week 1, Day 1: 162 lbs  (starting weight)
Week 2, Day 1: 161 lbs 
Week 3, Day 1: 159.5 lbs
Week 4, Day 1: 156 lbs
Week 5, Day 1: 156 lbs
Week 6, Day 1: 155.5 lbs
Week 6 repeat: 153 lbs
-Missed 2 Weeks-
Week 7, Day 1: 155 lbs
Week 8, Day 1: 155 lbs
Week 9, Day 1: 154.5 lbs
-Missed 2 Months to recover from surgery-
Week 10, Day 1: 151 lbs
Week 11, Day 1: 151 lbs
Week 12, Day 1: 153.5 .lbs

Last weeks workout actually took only 1 hour to complete after I got better at it.  I still have an unattractive layer of gut fat.  I gained weight this week.  Muscle?  More likely it's all the sugar I've been eating.  I haven't been sticking to the eating tips very well.  I'll have to improve on that.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Six pack abs: Week 11, Day 1

The website:
http://www.iwantsixpackabs.com - signup to the email list or click Already a Member in the top right (even if you're not already a member)

Weekly Weigh-ins
Week 1, Day 1: 162 lbs  (starting weight)
Week 2, Day 1: 161 lbs 
Week 3, Day 1: 159.5 lbs
Week 4, Day 1: 156 lbs
Week 5, Day 1: 156 lbs
Week 6, Day 1: 155.5 lbs
Week 6 repeat: 153 lbs
-Missed 2 Weeks-
Week 7, Day 1: 155 lbs
Week 8, Day 1: 155 lbs
Week 9, Day 1: 154.5 lbs
-Missed 2 Months to recover from surgery-
Week 10, Day 1: 151 lbs
Week 11, Day 1: 151 lbs

These workouts are getting pretty tough and they are taking me about 2 hours to complete.